This job does have its funny side. Here are a few stories.
APB's
(all points bulletin)
One night I had to broadcast this:
"All units be on the lookout for a naked Asian male, barking at cars in the area of Leigh and Scott."
And I did it with a straight face, too.... Oh, and, he was indeed out there. We found him about 2 hours later.
PUNCHY PARAMEDICS
One night a severed finger was found lying on the pavement in downtown San Jose. No injured person, just the finger. While the police were searching for the victim we started an ambulance in anticipation of the injured person. When the ambulance got close to the scene, this was their question:
"Confirm when we get there, San Jose's going to give us the finger?"
He was serious. Not much you can say to that....
DAILY ACTIVITY REPORT
After a particularly strange night, we discovered that one of our taciturn sergeants had been hiding a funny streak from us. This was his Daily Activity Report
"Two units and the CHP responded to a fist fight on the off ramp of HY85. This incident began in the city of San Jose when a 16-year old motorist (a favorite news media term) in his new Mustang began playing bumper tag with four people on Harleys. His unsafe driving continued on the freeway until he exited. The motorcyclists followed him and surrounded him at the stoplight.
He tried to escape but hit one of the bikes, knocking it and the female rider over. The two males reached into the car and tried to get his ignition key (I guess they have been watching too much of COPS). They must have confused his face with the ignition key because he sustained a bloody nose and a lacerated lip.
His parents showed up seeking the death penalty for the suspects. They had to settle for assault citations. The motorcyclists were hoping for a long stay at CYA for the young man. They had to settle for a reckless driving citation. Not to be left out CHP took a non-injury accident report and I'm still not sure what the City of Sunnyvale officer was doing there."
And later that night....
"Three units responded to a report of a prowler inside a house. A 17-year old boy arrived home drunk. After vomiting on his front porch he went next door and entered his neighbor's house through an unlocked door. Walking past the frightened elderly house owners he went upstairs and crashed. (He probably wondered why his parents had re-furnished the house while he was out). Fortunately for this young man his neighbors are neither card carrying members of the NRA nor members of the local schutzhund (attack dog) club."
ASSISTANCE REQUIRED
One night a fire truck responded to a report of an accident in a rural area in the hills of our County. On their way back to the station, rounding a curve they struck a 300 pound pig which was standing in the road. They immediately radioed for police assistance to both document the damage to the rig (agency policy) and to dispatch the badly injured pig. When this was broadcast on the police frequency, after a moment's silence an anonymous voice said....
"Don't they have a paramedic on board?"
Good question... answer? Yes......
After a few seconds of silence yet another anonymous voice is heard......
"No one is willing to do CPR...."
Case closed.... Oh yes, the unfortunate pig was 1054 (deceased) when the Deputy arrived. (whew!)
Check back, I'll try to keep adding the "good ones"
